Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
