i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
