just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He did a backflip because drugs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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