I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
