Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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