Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
