She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
