even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready