Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
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Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.