You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win