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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.