we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother