It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
