he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
