rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
