There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
