Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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