terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
