How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
