i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
