We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize