you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
