I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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