he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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