Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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