Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
