I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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