Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize