Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
