its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
