Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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