Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is classic penis vs brain.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
