Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
