they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
