I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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