woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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