Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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