so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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