just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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