Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
