I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
