there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
