I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
