His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
