My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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