Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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