she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm like, not good at living.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
