I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
