Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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