She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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