A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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