youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
