I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
