Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
