maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
