Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
