THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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