i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
