Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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