I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
