how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
