i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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