So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
