she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
