He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Randomize
