She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
